I Think the Internet is Ruining My Dating Life
My good friend Nat posted an interesting blog about internet dating. In general I’m a fan of meeting people online, however I think it’s making my F2F interactions more difficult.
Today on my way to work, a gentleman complimented me on how pretty I am and asked if I was taken. I smiled and said “yes” (even though I am so single I honestly think it seeps through my pores) and quickly looked away. He continued chatting with me politely and I continued smiling politely but my stomach was all in knots and after a few minutes he walked away.
I felt like such a dork. On the one hand, I can’t give my phone number to every Tom-Dick-and-Jamal that flashes me a smile and says I am pretty. In fact part of the reason why I am so reluctant to talking to men on the street is that—and I’m not tooting my own horn—it happens so frequently and so obnoxiously. Cat calls, stares, whispers and other adolescent attempts to get my attention do nothing but make walk away faster.
However, I can, at the very least be personable and friendly to people who are nice to me. Yet I also realize that part of my awkwardness stems from the fact that I meet all of the men I date online. Online dating really changes how I converse (or not converse) with men I see on a daily basis. Online, I can take my time and get to know the person via email and phone conversations. Men that I lose interest in or who I am not attracted to are washed away with the click of the delete button. Further, when we finally do meet, he has given me enough information about himself that talking in person is a piece of cake.
Yet when I meet someone on the street, there is no pre-established connection, no previews whatsoever. Everything is just on the fly—go with the flow.
In other words, there is no control. The internet gives me so much control over who I talk to and most importantly, whom I allow to talk to me.
Maybe I should ease up on using the internet and open myself to the unpredictable nature of F2F meeting.
Thoughts?
LOL!
Ah yes, some of the advantages and disadvantages with the information superhighway. We get a custom to being able to dismiss someone with the press of a button…the click on a mouse, and your left with situations like this where you’ve lost that edge. That quick wit, and ability to be able to shut a brother down regardless of him “cat calling” or actually having the courage and step to you to tell you that you’re attractive all have diminished slightly.
I completely understand this, i’ve noticed the way that I interact with people over the past 10yrs or so has changed. I’m not as quick to look people in the eye as I use to, and my spelling is lacking something kind of fierce. My answer is to try and expose yourself to just as many of those situations outside of the web, to as many as you do on the web until you can get back to neutral.
Another possibility is that guys who are approaching you on the street, totally randomly, know nothing about you except how you look and so it has a more sleazy feel to it — like they’re approaching you 100% based on looks. Whereas someone you get to know in a different context usually how more to go on than just what you look like. (Also, I’m not sure I want to date a guy who catcalls women on the street anyway.)
@B. Price: I’m trying to ween myself off the internet. I’ve gotta strengthen my A-game lol
@Ask a Manager: So true. I rarely respond to men who approach me in that way. I can be nice to those who dont though
“Tom-Dick-and Jamal” — I love it!
I’m 32 and have been married for the last 7 years, so I completely missed out on the online dating thing. However, I feel you on the whole cat calls and empty compliments thing… If a gentleman is sincerely interested in knowing you past the size and shape of your behind, he will approach you in a respectful manner. So go with your gut feeling — if no is the first thing that pops out of your mouth, trust that first response. If he is sincerely interested, he’ll come back with something that will get your attention.