Communicating with Older Co-Workers
Posted by ajlovesya on May 14, 2008
In an earlier post about being the youngest person in the room, someone made a great comment:
What do you suggest to do when it comes down to simple “chatting” or making friends? There seems to be so little in common with people who are 20-30 years your senior. I find that conversations start revolving around things that do not really matter to neither me (the youngest person) nor them. It’s definitely not a secret that if you are good company outside of work and can connect on something in common other than work, it will greatly benefit your business.
In my experience I find that people who are older than I am open up to me more once they see that I am a valuable employee who is interested in excelling and learning. However, making friends on the job never hurt anyone. So here’s how I managed to connect with the older people on my job:
1. Read the paper: Current events (especially local ones) are always spoken about at my job. It helps to be able to join the conversation.
2. Be genuinely interested: Ask questions about their professional life and slowly ask questions about their personal life. For example, “How did you get into this kind of work?” is a question that allows people to draw on professional and personal experiences. Once they share, highlight the value of what they say to you by offering a personal anecdote of how what they say applies to you or ask them to clarify what they say.
3. Be inclusive: Everyone likes lunch—so invite them out when you go grab some food. And if you are doing something new—whether you’re reading a book, taking a trip, or learning a new kind of technology—share! It’s wrong to assume that the generation gap is so large that you won’t find common ground or learn from each other.
4. Don’t be defensive: Every now and then a topic will come up and older employees will say subtly and not so subtly “You don’t know anything about this.” Children and marriage are the biggest culprits. Just excuse yourself from the conversation—you’ll only highlight how young you are. If the conversation is focusing on something you feel comfortable talking about, ask them why they think you can’t contribute and politely join the conversation sharing your experiences.
5. Accept the fact that the relationship may be more of a mentorship: While I understand that people our age have a desire to be friends with everyone, chances are someone who is 20-30 years older than you are is your supervisor thus making the friendship boundary a little difficult to cross. Additionally, think about what you talk about with your closest friends—now think if that would be appropriate for someone older than you. While you may not be buddy-buddy with the oldest people on the job it helps to have a positive working relationship with them that allows them to think highly of you in and out of the office.
Michael Henreckson said
Cross-generational relationships can definitely be interested. Sometimes I think we younger people scare the older ones just as much as they scare us. It varies from person to person, but some of our elders can be a little turned off if we act/dress/talk really young.
Like you say, just proving that we’re motivated and interested in learning can be huge steps towards getting their interest and trust. Once you get started it really can be great, and I for one take all the stories and advice I can get from more experienced people.
monicarolevans said
I have found that I am able to relate to older co-workers by treating them with the same respect and appreciation that I have for my mother and her friends. (I have a great relationship with my mother, btw)
I’ve learned to be a good conversationalist and to be interested in what is going on in my co-workers lives, whether it is their children, their hobbies or their church.
I often talk to them about their children and grandchildren (or their husbands or neighbors, lol). My co-workers respect my opinion because they see that I have a good head on my shoulders, but I also don’t pull any punches and tell them exactly what I’m really thinking.
I know I have worked harder becasue I am a younger person, and I think my co-workers respect me and the fact that I have proven myself to them
ajlovesya said
@Michael and Monica: You two are right…sometimes genuine interest and a sense of respect (for yourself and for them) goes a long way. We really arent so different from older employees that we can’t at least listen to each other!