Personal Reflection: What I Miss Most about College

A week ago I attended the 2008 graduation of my alma mater. At the ceremony I realized that I am a full year out of school and began to reflect on what this year has been. In a nutshell it has been disappointing. This isn’t merely because I am adjusting to the rules of work and the responsibilities of being an adult. I struggled with my first year out of college because I missed who I was allowed to be while I was in college.

I miss being challenged intellectually as opposed to being challenged simply because of my age. I miss being able to get money to do anything that I wanted on the condition that I learned something and that I share what I’ve learned with others. I miss reading all day and being surrounded by people who shared my interests. I miss being able to walk a few feet over and grabbing friends for a late night run to wawa or for a movie. I miss the support from professors and the high expectations many of them and staff members set for me.

The biggest struggle has been finding supportive people with my interests. The reality is that in many ways the “real world” sucks. I knew this coming into my college from one of the worst neighborhoods in NYC and I have realized this even more since graduating. It sucks mainly because people are stuck on getting by, getting through the day, getting what they need and going to bed. I’m starving for people with vision, with hope, and great strength of character.

It is exactly this characteristic–one of great hope and vision– that defines my college experience. I was fortunate in that many of my friends were active and critical. I tend to shy away from people who have no passion, who simply take things as they are, and are terribly uncritical. What a boring way to live, in my opinion. Nothing moves you? Stirs you? Gets you thinking? You dont have a vision for yourself? You just really wake up, work, eat, and go to bed….

I don’t want that kind of life. This desire prompted me to non-profits in order to make a difference but I have come to realize that the non profit world, which has garnered a reputation for being active and passionate, is really turning out to be full of turnovers, frustration, and dwindling amounts of motivation. Not to mention, ignorant self serving folks abound who really just want to pat themselves on the back for a job well done instead of actually being concerned with making change.

In many ways, in the past year I’ve been bored. Terribly, terribly, bored. If I’m not meeting people who seem quite content to live isolated from the world, then I’m meeting people who seem proud to be “set in their ways.” I’m thinking, gee you are 30, you have, if you play your cards right, at least another 40 years and you are already “set in your ways?” 40 more years of possibilities and already you’re done? There is of course a difference between stability and conviction versus being stubborn and closed minded. Too many people fall into the latter.

To make matters worse, I have people encouraging me not to care. Oh, Allison, they say, focus on yourself and forget the rest. I listen, nod politely, and walk away confused. The biggest barrier to, say, the eradication of poverty, doesn’t seem to be the big heads in the white house or the corporate offices. It’s the people in front of me who not only seem not to care but look at me funny for caring too much. I know, the nerve of me. Reading, thinking, talking, and walking; trying to at the very least leave my community better than the way I inherited it.

Then I look to church. I grew up in a very religious family and it is (subconsciously at least) impossible for me not to think about God. I look to Jesus, not the savior but the rebel. Not just a congregation of followers–a congregation of abolitionists, underground schools, and activists. I seek a spirituality that doesn’t just give me peace in a time of chaos but one that emboldens me to MAKE peace.

I’m 22 and am concerned with possibilities of my future and the world around me. Where can I meet some more people like that?