Entry Level Living

I guess I’m a rare breed. I’m a New Yorker who understands why people don’t like this city.

I’m moving back to NYC because I need the social support of my friends and family and the opportunities that I have to develop myself professionally are unparalleled (seriously, Im 22 and Ill be a Director of Development and Marketing). I do believe that if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.

On the other hand, NYC isn’t for everyone. Many of my family members have left the city with no plans to return. And as I prepare to move back, I’m reminded of some of the reasons I left in the first place:

1. NYC = Racism’s 9-5: The biggest selling point about NYC is that it is so diverse. Let me tell you something, my neighborhood was all black. Next door all Jewish. A few blocks up, all hispanic. We didn’t hang out and we didn’t play nice. It was an antagonizing experience. And that’s just on a personal level. Sean Bell and Amadu Diallo show racism on an institutional level. And in case you missed it, a black high ranking off duty police officer was stopped by white cops. That should tell you something…

2. Back off—that’s mine! You’ll see this kind of attitude related to damn near everything: jobs, items at the store, and seats on the train. It’s one big competition for even the smallest things.

3. I hate my life. People work too hard and love too little. I’m generally a happy person. While in New York people have assumed that I am from another city because I’m so cheerful. What does that tell you?

4. “Like, omg, the oppression of today’s modern societies…” and other hipster/yuppie nonsense: They’re coming—and fast. Talking about shit no one cares about and raising rents while pretending to be low maintenance and *down.* Not to mention being, yawn, booooooring. If you are going to change the city at least be interesting.

5. We own the city so deal with it! This should be the transit motto. I’ve yet to have a weekend of efficiently running trains. Politeness and great customer service from a transit worker? HA! That’s funny. This coupled with increasing fares pretty much means transit will continue to screw us over. And there is nothing you can do about it.

6. Guns and brawn: There is nothing remotely peaceful or pleasant about seeing cops and troops on trains and streets. Yes, I know it’s to “protect our freedoms” but it’s stressful, especially since I was here on 9/11. The greater the cop/troop presence the more real the threat feels. It’s scary. I don’t want to stay in a place that’s at the forefront of the Holy War.

7. Achoo! Oh, I sneezed on you? Well stop standing under my nose! New Yorkers live up the rude stereotype—and proudly. I’ve never met people who view rudeness as a positive attribute (well, except in Philly—I hate it here too). And I have never seen so many people at one time. In fact, often times you will be standing under someone’s nose. It’s terribly crowded.

8. Awww look at the cat…wait…that’s a rat! Yes. They are that big.

…and dont get me started on the roaches.

In a little over two weeks it will be exactly one year since I graduated from college. In reflecting on the last year there are a few things that I would recommend recent graduates keep in mind when making the transition from college life to “the real world.”

1. It’s ok if you don’t know what you want to do right after you graduate. The biggest mistake you can make is going to grad school or picking up a job that doesn’t suit you because you feel like you need to have something to do once you get your degree. The debt and frustration simply aren’t worth it. Instead take inventory of your interests and start setting goals from there. As Brian Kim suggests: The time you have after college is THE TIME to find what you love to do. You are not burdened (I assume for the most part) with the heavy responsibilities of a mortgage, family, or dependents. You’ll most likely move back home or room with a buddy. He also has some great tips on figuring out what your passions are and putting them into tangible goals.

2. Do not invest everything in your first job. I am a victim of this: I walked into my job thinking it was going to be the greatest experience ever only to be incredibly disappointed. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t be optimistic about your opportunities, but remember this is your first job: it’s a first step into the workforce and a means of exploration as you figure out what kinds of work environments are best for you and the skill sets you want to develop.

3. Stay open to new possibilities. While having a degree may increase your chances of getting a job it does not entitle you to one. Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities that will allow you to acquire skills and experiences that will make you stand out. Volunteer in another country, start a small side business, or learn a language. The world is bigger than your college so take advantage of it!

4. Actively maintain a strong social support network. If you are living in a new town away from home, go out and meet people–try volunteering or attending young professionals events (Ive met some awesome people through both). When you do make friends, make time for them. Remember, no matter where you go or what you do everyone needs friends.

5. Surround yourself with positive forward thinking people. Your best bet for professional and personal success is to weed out the complainers, the nay-sayers, and the overall unhappy people and search for people who are optimistic and intent on moving forward. People like this help you maintain perspective and challenge you to push yourself. These people are also the best mentors.

In an earlier post I talked about how my job doesn’t give me adequate opportunities to develop myself as a leader. My organization lacks structure and there is no motivation or inspiration resulting in me being less enthusiastic to be there.

Recently, I came across this great piece by Ryan Paugh over at Employee Evolution. He states:

It was only a year ago when I first stepped into the corporate world. Like any optimistic twentysomething, I walked into my first day and gave my new responsibilities undivided focus and attention, trying to learn the ropes and taking every chance to prove myself.

As the weeks went by, my frustrations grew. I became not such a go-getter. I just got through the days. I came to the only conclusion I could–my job sucked.

But all of my friends were complaining about their jobs, too. It was definitely the job–not just me. So I started searching online for better career options, while plugging away from 9 to 5 every day.

Right before I gave up on finding another job, in came the offer to start Brazen Careerist. After considering my options – either stay at a job I hated or try something new – I decided to take a leap. It’s been a rollercoaster ride that’s taught me the most valuable lesson of all: I never really hated my corporate job. Instead, I now know that I just hated the transition I was making into the real world.

Is it my job or is it simply where I am in life? I just graduated from college and make no money. I’m not liking Philadelphia and am trying to be there for my family who is going through financial turmoil (like most of the country). I know it sounds like I’m whining but when I take a step back I realize that maybe I am putting too much into my job.

The reality is that I am living life. I no longer have my dean to run to when I’m too stressed to get my work in on time (I miss deadlines, I get in major trouble); I don’t have my best friends living next door to make midnight runs to wawa when we’re craving a snack after hours of studying (we no longer live close to each other and have to be up early for work in the morning); I can’t just send an email to my boss telling her I can’t come in to work that day because I am not feeling well (those count as sick days!). Financial hard times aren’t washed away with an additional loan (I have my credit score to worry about); I can’t hide behind a paper when my family calls (time to talk).

I still hold that my organization needs some revamping. However, I am also benefiting from assessing non-work related issues that are affecting my view of my job and making some negotiations about the role of my job in my life.

1. My job doesn’t need to be end-all-be-all place of my development as a leader. In fact, it shouldn’t be—especially since this is my first job. I’m using it mainly as a space to feel out where I want to go professionally. For example, if it weren’t for this job I wouldn’t have realized that I love curriculum development and organizational development and plan on pursuing these fields. However, I need not wait for a development position to acquire key skills for these fields. That’s why I am enrolled in a non-profit leadership training program and am pursuing a certificate in fundraising while helping my alma mater implement a great social justice program.

2. My job shouldn’t be the end-all-be-all of my life. This is my first job! How can I not eat, sleep, and drink the office? I need to make a good impression! Well, for one: work smart, not hard. And second, boundaries are key to a healthy job life (especially those of us in nonprofit work). Work shouldn’t consume you, regardless of your position on the corporate ladder. If there is anything that I learned about college that I can apply here is that my academic life seemed more manageable and less overwhelming when I had an active and supportive social life outside of school. Yes. I mean hanging with folks who weren’t in college. Now I hang out with people who have lives beyond what their job dictates. I can better see what else is out there aside from work.

3. Company matters: the company you keep makes a huge difference in how you handle that first job. I’m a huge fan of having a “Bitch Buddy”: that person you can rant and vent to about how awful the world is. However, this shouldn’t be the only person in your life that you go to talk about your problems. It helps to have positive people in your life who can show you the good in a situation and who teach you the value of letting the chaos of life roll off your back. When it comes to work, I was only talking to people who hated their jobs. Now I see how silly that was.

(Philadelphia) (NYC)

In about 3 months my internship will be over and I will be back where I was last year when I graduated from college: not sure where the hell I want to live or what I want to do.

As some of you may know I have a love-hate relationship with Philly. At the same time, while I miss NYC I’ve had enough unpleasant experiences to know that *the grass isn’t greener*…

So what should I do? What do you all think? No, Im not basing my decision off of this blog but it’s a helpful space for clearing my mind. And yeah yeah yeah I know I shouldn’t *generalize* but whatever—my experiences are my experiences and Im not going to search for exceptions to the rule to satisfy the need for a *balanced argument* (this is my life after all).

Philadelphia

PROS:

Smaller city = less competition. I have access to so much more in terms of professional development. For example, I am project coordinator at my organization. I have a budget and am in charge of designing and implementing curriculum for students. The skills that I am learning are useful, practical, and impressive considering I am only one year out of college.

Cheaper city. Virtually everything in terms of salaries and housing/living expenses is feasible. I can live on my own in this city and not go broke.

More room for independence. There are no family members here and while I am only 2 hours away from NYC no family members will come here. For some people, family never factors into their planning. However, it does for me as I am extremely close to them and often times realize that they could use my presence. This could, at the same time, lead to a stressful situation for me. Also, this is the city where I became an adult: where I did things that made ME happy. As a result I have strong friendships here. I’ll always be grateful for that.

CONS:

Filthy. I realize NYC aint the cleanest and our subways are notorious for filth. However, never in my life have I seen people actively destroy the city the way I have here. Literally, people will empty their trash cans into the street. And why is trash picked up once a week?

Horrible people (the attitudes are shocking for lack of a better word). If you find yourself having to interact with *the public* youll understand what I mean. Loud, crass, and horribly rude, ready to fight over the slightest offense.

Dull and depressing: How many murders to date? And how many unfulfilled promises? Ok, center city is about 10 blocks in radius. Is that all? Where is the black bohemia; the enclave of artists and activists? At this point angry black faces greet me more than happy ones. It’s difficult to live in a city where its main characteristic is its poverty and violence, not its progress, innovation, or creativity.
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New York City

PROS:

It’s familiar: It’s home. My family and most of my friends are here. I know how to get around, know what places and people to avoid, and know what’s fun. I have a built in social and professional network to assist me when needed and simply have fun with me. Since I’m still in the process of building myself up having the guidance of this network is extremely important to me.

When I’m there, Im sharper: Im more aware of my appearance and my actions in NYC. There is greater emphasis on being the best so I find myself always looking for the next big thing. This does wonders for me personally.

So much to do and learn: Even though I have my spots and my people that I love I always find myself being invited to something new and exciting. Because of this, there is more networking that can be done and greater exposure to new ideas and professions. Last summer I went to conferences, events, and parties that have made me more aware and have put me in touch with great people.

Diversity in its truest form: people just do different things. Period. There is a lot to do because there are so many different interests and lifestyles that need to be catered to. Last summer I got a chance to meet different kinds of black people. I know this may sound silly but to be in the presence of black people who run from your *ghettoist of the ghetto* to university professor does wonders for the self esteem. Get this: black people ARE diverse. Who woulda thunk it?

CONS:

Extremely competitive: like I’ve said before: anyone who is anyone is trying to make it in NYC, so bring your a-game. But do I really want that kind of competition? Certainly it will make me stronger…if it doesn’t depress me.

Expensive: although you can make it in NYC just fine (most of my family lives there and has been living there for decades when my gmom relocated from the South), it is impossible to leave the house and not spend money. Saving, which I have been able to do comfortably in Philly, will be a challenge in NYC.

It’s changing all the time—and not always for the better. Culturally, the city is becoming more homogenous with *cultural differences* being more of a marketing scheme than a reality. For example, I wouldn’t be surprised if the pizza place I grew up eating at was shut down when/if I return to NYC in the summer and was replaced with a Pizza Bistro or some shit like that.

I’m lazy and different people annoy me: As much as I go on and on about fun shit to do in NYC, Im fucking lazy and would rather cook and eat. Also, like most people, I like people who are like me. So, in many ways, NYC is wasted on me.

To be honest, I made up my mind while writing this post…but I’d love to get some different views on this.

I have quite a few friends who are preparing to move to NYC (myself included) and have been asking me for advice on where to move and what to do.

Since it has been so long since I have been home, I really had to sit and think about this one. What do people need to know when trying to live in NYC? Even though I grew up in NYC, leaving some place for almost 5 years and trying to re-enter is still difficult. I occupy an outsider-insider relationship with NYC: I love it and am comfortable yet still feel like I don’t have a grasp on everything in the city and am still learning. In any case here are some things that I have learned over time since leaving and I think people will find useful.

Anything youd like to add to the list?

Health:

1. You will get sick. And dirty.

I came across this great quote: “NYC is the only city that when it rains it makes its own gravy.” That’s how dirty the city is. Be prepared to have the sniffles when you first move here because of the dirt and smog in the air, to buy a humidifier, and to have any light colored clothes turn yellow.

2. Wash your hands when you get home. PLEASE.

3. If it is not an emergency, you will not be helped so learn to deal with pain or get yourself some fly ass health insurance so you can see a doctor when necessary.

Communication/Awareness:

1. NYC = 5 BOROUGHS! Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens, The Bronx, and Staten Island. No, Long Island doesn’t count, neither does Yonkers. And go play tag with a bus if you think any place in Jersey counts.

2. Learn the lingo: Bodega (corner store); “Can I Get A…” (instead of “May I Please Have A…); “A Slice” (instead of plain pizza slice).

3. Do not confuse being firm with being mean. This will take a while to get used to. Just because people are straight to the point does not mean that they are mean—they simply want to get their point across with as little confusion as possible. So grow a thick skin and be prepared hold your ground. It’ll make you stronger in the end.

Transportation:

1. DO NOT TURN RIGHT ON RED.

2. Know the driving directions to where you need to go BEFORE you get in a cab. If you let the cabbie decide, you will get screwed.

3. Subway lines are recognized by their NUMBERS/LETTERS not colors. If you say you want the green line you will have 4 options: 4, 5, 6, and G.

4. Train exits are labeled SW-NW-SE-NE so you can find your way around. If you find that directions want you to come to a building located on the “Northeast side of 34th street” there you have it.

5. Subways SUCK on the weekends. Learn the bus routes

6. If it is less than 3 subway stops away WALK.

Work:

1. You will be surrounded by people better than you. Anyone who is anyone wants to move to NYC to make it big. Therefore competition even for the smallest things is fierce.

2. That being said: bring your A-Game. Don’t come here if you’re looking for an easy escape. One of the reasons I stayed in Philly was because I wanted more experience before heading back home since I KNOW how competitive it can be. I wanted to build myself up intellectually and professionally before pursuing my passions.

3. As a result, the city will make you more ambitious. People who aren’t get lost in the shuffle.

4. Look good. Not everything looks good on everybody but please take pride in your appearance. People will notice if you don’t.

5. Outside of NYC, people will find your ambition and intelligence odd and abrasive. (I learned this Cape Town and see it now in Philly).

Food/Entertainment:

1. The carts that sell fruits and veggies are great. Don’t be afraid of them. Same for the guys that sell bacon and eggs on the corner.

2. Only tourists go to the Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, and the Circle Line. Well, tourists and elementary schools for field trips.

3. However, go to museums and galleries whenever you can. The difference between museums and the points of interests mentioned above is that museums and galleries can change their focus and bring you things about the city (and country) that you may never find out any place else. You go to the Statue of Liberty once, you’re pretty much done. But at a museum, one week you can be learning about African-Americans in government and the next week about pop music. Seriously. It’s quite wonderful.

Living/ Buying

1. Cheap is there if you look. But be prepared to become more materialistic. I have never in my life seen so many COACH or Louis Vuitton, and other name brand bags in my life. However, most of them are knock offs from Canal Street…

2. Find your favorite spots. There is so much emphasis on trying everything all the time. However, I have my places that I go to and am quite comfortable with that. The best fried chicken wings and pizza are at this pizza place and Chinese restaurant near my grandmom’s house in bed-stuy where I grew up. I love shopping in Union Square. The Promenade is where I like to take walks and relax. I love the Schomburg. I go to the UA in Brooklyn Heights. That’s all. Im pretty happy with this.

3. You’ll appreciate your friends and family much much more. It can get lonely in this city and the competition and drive to be the best can get overwhelming. That’s when you find yourself wanting the love and comfort of friends. So make sure that in between work and stress you develop those relationships…they will get you through hell.