Entry Level Living

In a little over two weeks it will be exactly one year since I graduated from college. In reflecting on the last year there are a few things that I would recommend recent graduates keep in mind when making the transition from college life to “the real world.”

1. It’s ok if you don’t know what you want to do right after you graduate. The biggest mistake you can make is going to grad school or picking up a job that doesn’t suit you because you feel like you need to have something to do once you get your degree. The debt and frustration simply aren’t worth it. Instead take inventory of your interests and start setting goals from there. As Brian Kim suggests: The time you have after college is THE TIME to find what you love to do. You are not burdened (I assume for the most part) with the heavy responsibilities of a mortgage, family, or dependents. You’ll most likely move back home or room with a buddy. He also has some great tips on figuring out what your passions are and putting them into tangible goals.

2. Do not invest everything in your first job. I am a victim of this: I walked into my job thinking it was going to be the greatest experience ever only to be incredibly disappointed. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t be optimistic about your opportunities, but remember this is your first job: it’s a first step into the workforce and a means of exploration as you figure out what kinds of work environments are best for you and the skill sets you want to develop.

3. Stay open to new possibilities. While having a degree may increase your chances of getting a job it does not entitle you to one. Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities that will allow you to acquire skills and experiences that will make you stand out. Volunteer in another country, start a small side business, or learn a language. The world is bigger than your college so take advantage of it!

4. Actively maintain a strong social support network. If you are living in a new town away from home, go out and meet people–try volunteering or attending young professionals events (Ive met some awesome people through both). When you do make friends, make time for them. Remember, no matter where you go or what you do everyone needs friends.

5. Surround yourself with positive forward thinking people. Your best bet for professional and personal success is to weed out the complainers, the nay-sayers, and the overall unhappy people and search for people who are optimistic and intent on moving forward. People like this help you maintain perspective and challenge you to push yourself. These people are also the best mentors.

When I first started playing around with blogging, I was skeptical: I had no desire to post the minute details of my day nor read anyone else’s. However, in many ways that’s how most of us start out: we are inspired to write and want to give it a try yet really dont know where to begin so we write about anything. Blogging has allowed me to focus on my interests and has become a great space for reflection and connecting with others, yet building a great blog and finding your niche takes time. Below I list a few steps I took in order to become a better blogger: one who writes consistently with insight, authenticity, and contributes to broader discussions about a particular issue.

1. Figure out what you want to write about.

The wonderful thing about blogs is that because it is ultimately a personal endeavor, you are free to write about whatever you wish. However, this level of openness often leads to people getting bored or frustrated with their blogs and giving up. The key to prevent this is to have some focus in your blogging. Start by assessing what your interests are. What gets you excited? What do you do/read about on a regular basis on your own free time? And, most importantly, what can you write about consistently for a long period of time?

2. Read blogs in your area of interest.

Once you figure out your interest, search the net for people who have already started blogging on that particular topic. Not only will you expose yourself different perspectives on a certain topic but you will also see different writing styles and get a chance to observe how people interact with blogs. Also, reading other blogs will give you some ideas on what you can begin writing about.

3. Draft some posts before you begin to publish.

Open up a word document and start writing. Doing so allows you to take your time and space out blog posts so that you always have something ready to be published. If you want to build your readership, you have to publish several times a week, so having some pre-written posts will be helpful.

4. Choose a blogging format that fits your needs.

I’ve switched formats three times in the past 4 years because my social and technological needs have changed. I began using LiveJournal and Yahoo! 360 which are very insular: you can make your entries private or only accessible to people you have added on your list. As a result many of the blogs I read and wrote were pretty personal in nature. However, once I decided I wanted to write a blog about my life as a newbie in the professional world, I recognized that I would need a wider audience so I chose WordPress, which is not only public but also shows up in blog searches.

Further, different blogging formats have different tools and levels of difficulty. WordPress allows me to play with the layouts and navigation of my blog whereas LiveJournal and 360 all had the same standard layout with adjustable colors. Choose one that allows you the most comfort.

5. Join an online community to help you along.

It takes time to develop a good blog. Therefore, a good idea is to reach out to other groups of people in your phase of blogging. NING, a web tool that allows you to create online communities has several groups for bloggers. My favorite is Building a Better Blog where people share tips and experiences at all phases of blogging.

6. Participate in a Blog Carnival.

To get some readership as well as meet other bloggers who share your interests, I recommend participating in a Blog Carnival. You simply pick a topic and submit a post on that topic to whomever is hosting the carnival. Participating in a blog carnival also allows you to write with an audience in mind requiring you to be more focused.

7. Practice the Golden Rule.

Comment on other people’s blogs; be insightful and courteous; respond to people who leave you comments; share the love by linking to blogs you enjoy. Basically, do all of the things to other bloggers as you would want done to you. This will let you hone in on the skills necessary to creating a blog where people feel comfortable exchanging ideas and where you feel comfortable sharing yours.

8. Share a little of yourself.

The blogs I most enjoy reflect on their personal experiences in a way that is interesting and meaningful to others. The main point I try to get across in my blog is that I am always learning and enjoy sharing what I learn with others. So be real—share your ups and downs; voice your frustrations and your joys. It’s those experiences that ultimately make one blog different from the next.

My good friend Nat posted an interesting blog about internet dating. In general I’m a fan of meeting people online, however I think it’s making my F2F interactions more difficult.

Today on my way to work, a gentleman complimented me on how pretty I am and asked if I was taken. I smiled and said “yes” (even though I am so single I honestly think it seeps through my pores) and quickly looked away. He continued chatting with me politely and I continued smiling politely but my stomach was all in knots and after a few minutes he walked away.

I felt like such a dork. On the one hand, I can’t give my phone number to every Tom-Dick-and-Jamal that flashes me a smile and says I am pretty. In fact part of the reason why I am so reluctant to talking to men on the street is that—and I’m not tooting my own horn—it happens so frequently and so obnoxiously. Cat calls, stares, whispers and other adolescent attempts to get my attention do nothing but make walk away faster.

However, I can, at the very least be personable and friendly to people who are nice to me. Yet I also realize that part of my awkwardness stems from the fact that I meet all of the men I date online. Online dating really changes how I converse (or not converse) with men I see on a daily basis. Online, I can take my time and get to know the person via email and phone conversations. Men that I lose interest in or who I am not attracted to are washed away with the click of the delete button. Further, when we finally do meet, he has given me enough information about himself that talking in person is a piece of cake.

Yet when I meet someone on the street, there is no pre-established connection, no previews whatsoever. Everything is just on the fly—go with the flow.

In other words, there is no control. The internet gives me so much control over who I talk to and most importantly, whom I allow to talk to me.

Maybe I should ease up on using the internet and open myself to the unpredictable nature of F2F meeting.

Thoughts?

As some of you may know I work with teenagers in a leadership training program. One of the first activities that I had them do was define leadership and give examples of the people who fit that definition. Pretty much everyone listed the same leaders (Martin Luther King Jr, Rosa Parks, and Mom) for the same reasons (they stood up for what is right, she takes care of me when she doesn’t have a lot of money).

While I understand why they chose these leaders I asked them to dig a little deeper. Do all leaders lead the same way? What are some common characteristics of the leaders you listed? What are some of the differences? And, most importantly, with whom do you most connect and why?

During this activity, I realized something: there was little enthusiasm about historical leaders. Many of my students are told over and over again (as I once was when I was in high school) to respect and remain in awe of past black leaders. Students were very much able to connect with and support adults that they see regularly and list why they see these adults as leaders, but when it came to older more prominent leaders it was simply “because they fought for what was right.”

Leadership that results in blind yet ambivalent support is not leadership that inspires. Unfortunately, discussions about black leaders/leadership (like the ones that occur during black history month mainly about the civil rights movement) do not inspire. In fact, they are alienating and rather uninteresting for the following reasons:

1. The individual and their passion are the only things emphasized. To a certain extent this is understandable since in America we value the rugged leader who rises to greatness with nothing more than his persistence. However, the reality is that passion, while being important is only one part of success. Skills and strong support networks are crucial as well.

2. Leaders are spoken about as if they were angels. Show me that these people are human! Perfection is nonexistent and I find that learning about a leader’s problems or short comings does wonders for making me comfortable with the fact that I am not perfect. We can learn from mistakes as well as successes: where did they fail—professionally and personally?

3. The same leaders are talked about ad nauseum. I love people who made history, like Martin Luther King Jr. for example. But seriously—the chance of someone becoming the next MLK is highly unlikely. That’s not to say people shouldn’t dream but how about we look at people who made change locally through small steps?

In other words, while we should appreciate the contributions of many historical leaders, in order to make them inspirational we have to make them accessible. The best leaders inspire us to become great no matter where we are. Yet we can only be receptive to their inspiration if we see them as human; as people who need support , who make mistakes, and who are not the only ones brining about change.

Whatever excitement I lack in my job I make up for in my dating life. My job for the past 8 months has been pretty steady with the boredom and foolishness. However, my dating life always has some unexpected curves.

For example, after putting myself back on the dating scene after a few months of laying low I met a wonderful guy. We instantly connected and have spent the past three months together. Three months is a long time, aint it? Well, it is to me. However, I sensed that maybe he was pulling back so I asked him straight up what the deal was. The conversation went a little something like this:

Him: Would it bother you if I had a girlfriend/wife?
Me: Do you?
Him: I like you but I have a girlfriend. How you wanna handle it?

Pause. Breathe.

This was the initial “I’m letting you know you’re just a side chick so don’t go thinking anything special will happen between us” conversation. We talked about it some more and I—being the admittedly lonely young woman that I am—agreed to see him once more. I wont get into the details but needless to say I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. Why? Because I am fully aware of the fact that he will never care for me the way I deserve to be, yet I settled for fifth place so I wouldn’t be alone.

And therein lies the problem.

My best friend told me that I wouldn’t put up with nonsense if I got more comfortable being alone. I agree whole heartedly. I find myself wishing too often for someone to fill up my time. I don’t like my job, I don’t like Philly, and I don’t have many friends here. So not only am I alone, I am unfulfilled and uninspired. All it takes is a little attention to make me feel good and I lose all common sense.

To top it off I came across this lovely article about how upwardly mobile/successful women have an incredibly difficult time landing men.

I am by no means successful and I have a horrible romance life. You mean it only gets worse from here?!!

Hoo-fricking-ray!

I am quick to tell someone that putting too much into your job—especially your first job—can leave you feeling frustrated and disappointed; that it’s important to have a balance between work and personal life. The problem with me is that my personal life clings on the idea of being completed by someone leaving me more prone to romantic frustration and disappointment.

The more I think about it the more I realize that I need to work on completing myself.

Any suggestions?